A different kind of mothering
To all my fellow Mamas, this is my Mother’s Day gift to you!
Has anyone of you felt like your worth was forever attached to your roles. You are never just you, you are a wife, a mother, an employee, you name it… but what if I told you that none of these titles were you?
Somehow, our society even goes further as to subtly imply that in order to be a “good” woman, you have to be a “good” wife, a “good” mom, a “good” employee… they are intertwined and in order to be “good” you have to fulfill each and every one of them to perfection. Sounds about right?
I took an online course a few months ago in which this exercise in visualization was offered… let me guide you through it.
You, the mother, get up in the morning. You join your family in the kitchen where you usually share breakfast or do your own thing individually, whatever works best for you. You gaze outside your window, where you see some kind of machine outside in your yard. You excuse yourself from your kiddos, and pretend to head to the bathroom all the while heading outside to examine this strange thing that kinda looks like a time travelling machine.
You step inside it, where a button labeled PAUSE is exposed in front of you. You press it and return to your family. As you step back inside your kitchen, you find everyone of them “paused”… none of them need anything from you. You are not responsible for lunches, breakfasts, drop offs, extracurricular activities anymore… what feelings overcome you as you realize that you only have yourself to care for? Is it relief? Is it fear? Is it peace?
You have as much time as you need in front of you to do whatever will leave you feeling refreshed. How will you be utilizing this time? Are you in need of rest, of exercise, of a well-balanced meal, of de-connection, or of more connection?
Imagine yourself doing whatever brings you joy and peace and takes you from this place of survival to this grounded sense of belonging and sacredness. Dwell in there for as long as you need… when you feel ready, head back outside to this strange machine and “unpause” your life. Head back inside your house, return to your family all the while carrying this newfound peace and joy. Look at your loved ones and let them see you… I’m betting that your little one will say something like this: Mom, what happened to you in the bathroom, you look so beautiful and happy! I love to see you smile like that! Truth comes out of the mouths of babes they say… what if your child doesn’t need you to pack his lunch everyday(maybe he wants to do it himself)and do his laundry every other day(maybe he likes wearing the same thing over and over again)? What if your child needs you to be happy and at peace with yourself. What if he needs a Mom who knows what she needs in order to better take care of him? What if a little more time with your Self would benefit your whole family in ways you never thought possible?
A sentence keeps showing up on my Instagram feed lately that goes like this: Meditation is hanging out with your Soul!
Meditation has been growing in popularity lately but what if meditation was as simple as taking a few minutes daily to ground your Self and do a little something that makes you feel in touch with your Soul?
If you ever drive by my house in the afternoon, you will probably find me sitting in a rocking chair on my porch enjoying a cup of tea or coffee while either listening to the sounds of nature or reading a book.
At first I felt uncomfortable being seen doing nothing by all these passerby… but what you probably don’t know about me is that a few years ago, I had accumulated so much stress that my body could not function properly anymore. I had asked to much of it without ever considering the consequences and it had came back to haunt me.
For over a year, I had “burning mouth syndrome”… a constant pain in my mouth that was invisible to the eye. I’m sure everyone around me thought I was going crazy, heck I even questioned my own sanity! I could barely eat anything, I was stressed out because of what stress had thrown at me and was stuck in this vicious cycle.
With help, I managed to figure out the causes of this “syndrome” and with tools I could manage it. Now, I say that this burning sensation is my gauge… whenever I feel it creeping up on me again, I know I have to re-evaluate, slow down, prioritize and just BE. So my sitting down for half an hour every day on my porch is my form of meditation in order to reconnect with my Self and my Soul.
I am sending you an invitation to step out of your roles as seen by society and embrace your full essence. You are the Mom you kids were meant to have. You do not have to separate yourself from what brings you joy in order to be a “good” Mom. Being YOU in all that you are will transpire in everything that you will do and will benefit and empower your whole tribe.
What brings you joy? What can you add to your day that will leave you with a smile on your face and a bigger sense of fulfilment and love for your people? Meditate on that daily, visualize your Self as you would want to be and make the subtle changes that need to happen in order for you to be that person! I promise you, your kiddos will fall in love with how you will be able to love them, they will tell you how beautiful you are and how it makes them so happy to see you happy! You are worth it, and you are seen! Loving you will only bring more love to your entourage!
I had my nose pierced the other day… I had it pierced once before but hadn’t worn a stud for years and eventually the hole just healed and closed. I wanted to have it pierced again so that when I looked at myself I could see a physical reminder that I have a right to exist, that my needs are important too, that I AM, not just that I am a mother, a wife or a woman but that I AM regardless of these titles! I wanted a reminder that my femininity, my body, my Self and my Soul are worth being celebrated and that while I choose to do so my whole family will be empowered by it! I urge you to give it a try, maybe not have your nose pierced but celebrating and embracing all that you are!
For quite some time I had this feeling that I wanted someone to take care of me like I was taking care of my family. Can any of you relate? Unfortunately, as loving and as involved as my husband is, I just didn’t feel like this deep need I had was being met… I had this false belief system that I’m only half a good mom if I take care of myself… I just couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that the more pleasure, rest, space, purpose I had in my life, the better Mother I am to my kids and better wife to my husband. I worked hard at replacing this false belief with this newfound truth: The more I am myself, the better it is for my family. I changed what I new I deserved. I now believe that my joy and desires are symbiotic with what my children need and that my regular functioning(rather than over-functioning) enables every one in my family to regular function rather than under-function.
Some changes needed to happen, but by embracing them, everyone now is stepping into their own essence and being empowered! And it’s a wonderful thing to see unravel! Of course, this is still a work in progress, and something that happened with the help of many wonderful resources that I would happily share if you feel like reaching out!
In the mean time, I truly wish every Mom out there who took the time to read this a beautiful Mother’s Day, may it be a reminder of your wonderful accomplishments so far and an encouragement to take time to reconnect with your beautiful Self!